The Kids Party.

One-year-old’s cake. Gluten free. This is an adult cake if ever I saw one.

On the weekend I went to my very first kids party. Having a kid of my own means I get to do super cool things like that now.

It was brilliant. I think the parents were a bit confused about the purpose of the party, but it was still good.

My kid, being a whole 5.5 months old couldn’t have cared less about the party. She slept through pretty much all of it. And I think the kid who was having the birthday, being a whole 12 months old, couldn’t have cared less either.

But that’s not the point. If a kid can’t vocalise any of their opinions, I think it is safe to say they don’t have opinions. Unless they are mute. Mute kids can have an opinion; we just don’t know what it is.

I have discovered a little known fact and I think it needs to be clarified. Especially for the parents who hosted the party and for all other parents.

Kids parties are not actually for kids.

So the kids party, which I’m pretty sure had nothing to do with the one-year-old, was a lot of fun. There was cake and activities and vegans. There was also a swing but MJ said it was probably better if I didn’t swing on it. I don’t think he was saying I was too fat, I think he was saying I hadn’t had enough wine to really get the most out of the experience. Good old MJ, always looking out for me. Or for the small branch the swing was tied to.

According to MJ, the activities that were on offer were for the kids, not the half-drunk parent of one of the too-busy-to-sleeping-to-participate kids.

Exactly where is the legal disclaimer stating I was not supposed to decorate my own pet rock to take home? The sign said I could. It didn’t have an age limit on it, so I decorated two. I named them “Sugar” and “Sparkles”.

One kid tried to take one of my rocks so I had to put him down. There is certain behaviour that should not be tolerated and stealing a pet rock off an adult is one such behaviour. I don’t even know what he was doing at the party, it was supposed to be an adult only affair.

Kids at a kids party, what will they think of next? The party was so concerned with the ‘children’ element, there weren’t even any dogs. And the party was on a farm.  

Obviously the cakes were for the adults. Sugar is wasted on kids; they don’t know how to get the most out of the rush. I do have a serious issue with the fact the cakes were gluten free – my letter of complaint is in the mail – but at the end of the day, a cake is a cake. As long as it has sugar. But if they don’t have sugar they aren’t even cakes so it’s an irrelevant argument.

There was also sushi. Name one kids party that was actually for kids that had sushi on the menu. Exactly. None. Except weird kids on the upper North Shore who have a Japanese maid who only knows how to make sushi. Their kid is probably mute so he can’t say how much he hates it.

We also took a bag full of lemons home, they were on a very full tree. I asked if we could pick a couple, I was thinking they would be perfect for the tequila shots I was planning on having that afternoon. We ended up with 2 bags full. There is not enough tequila in the world to use all those lemons. But my point here is, I appreciated the lemons and took advantage of them being on the tree which was in the middle of the party. I didn’t see any kids picking lemons. They were too busy wondering what happened to all the sparkles that were used for decorating the rocks.

The presents were also more for the parents than the birthday boy. We gave him 3 books. One was called “How to be a Dinosaur”. A one-year-old doesn’t care about how to be a dinosaur, he doesn’t care about dinosaurs in general, unless one is about to eat him.

But I know the Dad and he would love to be a dinosaur if only he knew how. So really, the books were for the Dad.

MJ is still recovering from the out-of-control-party. Mostly from my wine induced behaviour and his decision to not drink beer. It turns out kids parties are my new favourite thing; so many things to eat and things to do.

The party gave MJ and I some great ideas for our own kid’s party. Ok, the party gave me some great ideas and gave MJ a lot of reasons to roll his eyes. There will be lolly bags and sparkles and cakes with extra sugar and extra gluten. There will be tequila with lots of lemon. People can be dinosaurs if they want to be.

The invitations will also state, clearly, that dogs are encouraged but, unfortunately, there will be no kids allowed.


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